love as artifice

here are my conflicting thoughts on love. love is an artifice. it is self-serving. one sees in their partner that which they'd like to see in themselves. if there is a void, one looks for a "counterpart" to fill said void. for example, someone has a low self-esteem, but their partner validates it. they comfort you, make you feel strong, make you feel sure of yourself.
you can be in love with how someone makes you feel, certainly, but i'm wondering if someone can ever truly love another without it being narcissistic.
for example, when you are with your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, partner, whatever, and you observe them doing something that makes you smile. you know that feeling of watching someone in their element?...it seems there is nothing more beautiful and natural and candid. you watch their beautiful limbs move, admire how their hair shines, smirk at the little nuances, little characteristics that you have claimed as "yours". are you really appreciating and experiencing someone outside yourself making you happy? or is it this unconscious self-contentment, smugness - the recognition that you have the capability to feel this way - that makes us think "this is love".

just like there's something self-congratulatory about being happy for someone (as uncomfortable as it is to admit it). are you truly happy for that person? or are you more pleased with the fact that, yes, you had the capability to be happy for someone outside yourself. "this makes me a good person" - it's a good feeling, no? you took a moment to express a good feeling toward someone else - a compliment, well wishing, happy birthday. are we ever really happy that it's someone's birthday? or are you just happy that you remembered? "yes, i'm organized, i have it all together".

what do you think?